Today I went back to the beach that I visited on the last day of school. It's been an important three-ish weeks, as I have officially quit my job with the public school district and started a new one as a full time pre-school teacher. This is one big change in my life that I've been working on for quite a while. I don't like change and I don't do it very often. But this is necessary and the best thing for me and our family, so I am grateful. I've written a lot about this experience, without sharing it. Maybe someday I will, because I know I've gained strength in other people's stories (like my Mom's and my Great Aunt Roxey's), and so maybe someday someone, like my daughters, will face something similar and benefit from my career story.
Even though this last school year was very difficult, I am sad to leave - especially the children. I try not to cry when I think of them. But I have also come to love these little preschoolers in these last three weeks. As all my "Be Brave" playlist songs have been telling me, everything is going to be alright.
This visit with the family felt like an alternate reality. With me working full time this summer I was not home during the day, but Reggie was. Well, he was on a business trip till Wednesday but then took Thursday through Saturday off to spend with the family.
They went to the farmer's market on the Embarcadero in SF, a great library in SSF, the Tunnel Tops playground overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge, and shopping for coordinating shirts for family pictures. He also got some crafts to do at home - specifically silly string and Geodes. I was home for that and so glad he was in charge of the Geodes as it turned out to be a physically challenging activity.
It is also a tradition that Grandpa buys a big bag of Cheetos to share.
Regarding our youngest grand baby (toddler now) Reggie has always made it a priority to hold her. She has really taken to him and cried when he was leaving the house to run errands. It's cute to hear her say Grandpa. She tolerated me as well when it was time to watch her favorite movie, WISH. Our bed is also often my desk, so I got to hang out with her and some of the other littlest ones when everyone else was sick of WISH being on in the living room.
Last week one 4 year old sincerely asked me "Teacher, am I doing a good job?" He was in the middle of a daily task he didn't want to do. I had tried helping him the day before by giving him milestones, so to speak, letting him know how much time was left and that he was doing a good job. I was glad he remembered that, and let himself believe it was true - with just a little bit of reassurance - that he was doing a good job.
I think one of the most formative times in my career was with a teacher who continued to remind us aides that we were doing a good job. It's weird because I am not one for a lot of compliments: for example, it's nice if someone compliments my outfit, once, or says thank you for the yummy treats I bring in to school. But one is enough - I don't like feeling on display. I don't like feeling like people are looking at me. In fact, if I am going to bring food for the staff room, I kind of want to get it in there before anyone can see who brought it.
BUT, back to my point, I really do need to know, every so often, that I am doing a good job. I need to know that I am on the right path, so I can feel secure in continuing in that direction. The teacher I mentioned was always giving us cards and notes letting us know that.
Yesterday was day 5 of my working with these preschoolers, and a whole new set of co-workers. There have been some challenges and triumphs. I am realizing that challenges are not a bad thing - they keep life interesting, keep us learning and growing, and feeling good when we have met them. I feel completely confident in my ability to work with children. It is the managing of the technology that has been daunting to me - everything needs to be recorded on the iPad all day long. But I feel like I'm getting it - like I'm doing a good job. I am also realizing that I need to let my confidence show and lead me. In my pursuit of humility I think I have too often resorted to self-deprecating humor. I don't want to be a person that shows up and takes over and is unwilling to learn. But I do want to be a person that is confident enough to put my years of experience to good use. I've noticed the one thing that seems to surprise and impress people most of all, when they find out where I've come from - experience wise - is my work in Special Education.
And so, to finally get to the point of the title of this post "under-reacting". I feel that maybe my best quality over the years, the one I've been complimented on the most (which I really appreciate) is my not overreacting to challenges and difficult behavior from the children. In my annual reviews, or just in passing, I've had teachers and principals mention how much they appreciate my gentle voice. and the joy I express with the children. Perhaps another appropriate word is patience.
This is on my mind because I had one new co-worker tell me that it was okay for me to raise my voice and speak a little more sternly with the children. I don't agree. I feel confident now, after my years of training and experience, that my "under-reacting" is one of my best strategies. I feel like adding a little "you're doing a good job" to the directions for that little boy has gone a long way. And the times that I've been told "you're doing a good job" have gone a long way in my life as well.
I've been trying to figure out how I will spend my lunch breaks this summer, since at the place I am working the employee parking is about a quarter mile away. (More on that later). Friday I used a backpack and brought my laptop in and had time to eat and blog. Therefore, I am excited to plan on blogging more next week about this momentous time our family - the 22 of us - just had together.
In the meantime, I just can't get over the above song. It makes me happy and will tide me over until I can blog next week. In the meantime, here is another one, just as good as the above (which I've probably posted before, but I can't help it - I have to put it here too!)
One day, of this week of our family being together, Ross and Lester took all (but baby Nori) of the kids out for a day while the original 5 stayed home and scrubbed this house down. (Andrew & Reggie were out of town). Since Luke & Samantha live at the house they have been helping with things over time, but they were still there for part of the day - Luke specifically helped move furniture around and Samantha did some cleaning but most importantly bought the 6 of us Round Table Pizza. Julia, Hillary and Mariah did a concentrated, all day, hard-scrubbing cleaning of most of the rooms. I hope they all know how much I appreciate it. And though every thing got pretty messy again within a matter of hours after the kids were all back, before that it was a shiny house and I am a witness to it. And, under the mess I know that it is still cleaner than it has been in years. I hope my original 5 know how much I appreciate the day and all they did.
When I got home from work yesterday I heard and saw the ice cream truck rounding the corner at the bottom of the street. I was tempted for half a second, but as there were 19 other people home, I didn't say a thing. A few minutes later, though, Lester all of a sudden said "anybody want some ice cream?". Yup, he heard it coming and yup, we heard what he said! I don't even want to do the math as to how much a visit to the ice cream truck would cost for 20 people. So several of us grabbed what bills we had on hand, called the kids, and joyfully ran outside. What a sale for that ice cream man! Especially because there were other kids and adults in the neighborhood that got in line as well. It was a nice way to end a work day.
Another cute moment of the day is that our 4 yr old met me outside as I got home and joyfully announced that she had gone in the "cousins car" today. I realize it is an unspoken tradition that when the kids get to a certain age they can start trading spots with each other and not just ride in their only family car, but with cousins in their cars.
Reggie & I are enjoying some Bob Marley this evening. We watched the recent movie about him, called "One Love". And though it had some adult themes and wow, what a lot of smoking, it was a feel good movie, for me anyway. It had quite the theme of forgiveness, optimism and, well, love and unity. It also brought back memories for Reggie of how much he listened to Bob Marley as a kid. And what do you know, I already have a few of his songs on my summer playlist. You know why? Cause like he says "we're jammin in the name of the Lord".
Here is his grandson singing with country music artist Kacey Musgrave doing a cover of one of his most famous songs.
This summer I am spending some time in a general-ed preschool class. One girl brought me a book and asked me to read it. Pretty soon there were several kids gathered around, interrupting each other and trying to see the pictures. The teacher was great with crowd control. She asked them to show Ms. Nancy how they sit for story time in their classroom. So they all backed up and sat along the inside perimeter of the story area. I held the pictures up high, and half read/half told the story as it was pretty long. I asked questions about what they thought was going to happen, etc. By the last page there were about 12 of them and they were almost holding their breath in suspense of how the story would turn out. It was a great ending and they all got a chance to express their thoughts.
I loved reading to them, and I loved having the teacher's help. It felt strange to be with children who did not have special needs. But I quickly remembered that all children have the need to be taken care of by loving adults, and this was well worth my time.
Today Reggie & I went to our new ward for the first time, which is named after its location: Sunset area of San Francisco.
I've been to that building a few times in my life, and my siblings tell me that my Dad was Bishop there before I was born. But to have it be "my" building, which means a lot as our church buildings are always a second home, felt strange to me. I definitely felt a sense of having "moved" so to speak. I certainly paid a lot of attention to it's architect. It is definitely old-timey and unique. It has 3 stories, and thankfully an elevator (which is a relief for my knee).
There were lots of people there that we knew, of course, coming from the SSF ward just like us, and I clung to them. But there were also people I've known all of my life from living in this area. And to everyone else I was one of the new people, which is kind of a fun feeling.
On the way home I took notice of all the walking places we can hit up after church in the future (if we're not too tired from parking on the street, since there isn't much of a parking lot). It's going to be fine. In fact, it's going to be great!
I kept putting off this post because I wanted to take a picture of the chinaware, but ended up packing it away too soon. In fact, I got a great picture of our 7th graders around the table in our classroom, but I can't put it on social media. Now that school is over I need to post about it so that I will remember. And I'll just include this picture instead.
Several months ago the kids were studying about medieval China. The book mentioned that fine chinaware is named after China because they were the first to develop it. So, as a fun activity I had all our kids come to the classroom to sit around our tableclothed table to eat pumpkin bread on my Mom's fine chinaware. She got the set for her wedding shower in 1947 so we did a math problem to figure out hold old it is. I think she would have pretty happy for it to be used for this purpose.
Wednesday night I promised myself that the next afternoon, to celebrate the end of the school year, I would get pizza, take a drive down the coast, have a picnic at the beach, and write. I wanted to write down how good I was feeling about surviving the challenges of this year and about all the good things to come. (This was perfect timing as Luke and I were the only ones home again, and I knew he was busy).
It was fun to start out the summer with this new beach blanket. Can't wait to use it again with the family.
I have some great memories of this beach, in Half Moon Bay. My Dad would take us there to climb on the rocks some Sundays after church. One time, as teenagers, Reggie & I took my dog Sinbad there and thank goodness he was wearing a leash. Our poor, old dog was developing cataracts and walked right off the dock into the water. We hurried and pulled him out, and he was so flustered that he hurried to the opposite side and fell in again. We've been with our kids and grandkids multiple times. Sometimes it's covered in seaweed and sometimes sand that looks like gold flecks.
It was a very not-crowded and peaceful beach day. I noticed a few kids digging and discovering. One little boy came close to my blanket to show me the muscle rock shells he was finding and asked if I wanted one. I enthusiastically said yes and we talked a little, but I didn't want to interrupt his exploring too much - especially because his older brother seemed very protective of him talking to a stranger, which I think was great. Their Mom was sitting on a blanket nearby and had on headphones and was on her phone. I think she was aware of me but not worried. At first I started judging that the Mom should be spending time with her kids on such a beautiful day. But then I thought about how I shouldn't be judging, and how this might be the perfect way for her to get some me time while her kids were so happy in nature, right in front of her. After I came back from a little walk the woman sparked up a conversation with me, and said she hoped her kids hadn't bothered me. Of course they hadn't. She said they were in kindergarten and 4th grade, and just had their last day of school. They live near San Jose and so headed to the beach to celebrate. I love it!
I am so glad I kept this promise to myself, because I am already benefiting from the things I wrote and the optimism I gained.
I wanted to do one last bake for our RSP kids as the school year came to a close. A few days ago, therefore, I made out little papers to discreetly give the kids, telling them to come by our room whenever they wanted that day to have some brownies and say goodbye. I've always tried to be discreet, thinking the kids wouldn't like being singled out as needing extra help. But, I've realized none of them care or are ashamed, thank goodness. As I was leaving the 8th grade room I saw one girl holding up the paper I had given her and dancing with it - just to brag I guess.
I realized last night that it was 9 o'clock and the sun was still setting. Then I woke up at 5:30, surprised that the sun was already rising. So in a 24 hour day it was only dark for 8 hours? Strange! Or has it always been that way and I haven't noticed? I guess it's one sign that summer is here! I might have slept longer but even with the curtains closed, that sunlight sneaks into the room, and actually, I'm okay with that. I think I am becoming a morning person anyway. Sometimes at night my body and brain suddenly decide "that's it, we're done, go to bed and try again tomorrow". And then I often feel a sense of comfort, relief or clarity when the sun comes up.
One day, when Avonlea and I were picking up Samantha from work, listening to my "Grandma & Grandchildren's playlist", I came up with an idea just too fun to pass up. I've done such a good job of NOT having a theme this year, and squelching almost every creative idea I've had, in the name of practicality. But I can't stand it anymore! and decided I need to do this easy and family bonding theme, just for the summer.
So, each movie listed below contains a Grandma & Grandchild's song. The idea is that, no matter where we all are, we will have a movie marathon, and watch what's listed in the time frame listed. The grandchild associated with that movie/song will research and give us at least one fact. It could be of the setting, the characters, the food, the ANYTHING! I LOVE IT! I think it will help us all feel connected, and give me a little bit of fun, whether I'm relaxing in front of the movie or having it on in the background during all my practicality.
One thing that's been sweet about this whole thing is that, when the babies are still shy of Reggie & I, but their parents need a break, they will reconcile themselves to sit with me if we are doing their song-video together, on the computer. Eighteen months seems to be about the age that they start to warm up to us, and then it gets to be that if they see me at the computer they come over so we can do their song. Now some of these grandchildren are heading toward their teens, and I hope they will always having happy thoughts when they hear their song.
Here is the list, and a little bit about week one, below it:
May 27 - June 2 - Brother Bear
June 3 - June 9 - Brave
June 10 - June 16 - The Peanuts Movie
June 17 - 23 - Bolt
June 24 - June 30 - Moana
July 1 - July 7 - Tarzan
July 8 - July 14 - Curious George
July 15 - July 21 - The Princess & The Frog
July 22 - July 28 - Aladdin
July 29 - August 4 - Frozen II
August 5 - August 11 - Coco
August 12 - August 18 - Lilo & Stitch
Grandchild #1 shared with us a bit about the Aurora Borealis and totem poles. Their family took a cruise with their Lolo & Lola through Alaska and she had some great experiences, including seeing bears in the distance in a river. Uncle Andrew told us about some animals he ran into while living in Alaska. I love the song's theme of enthusiasm and optimism.
And, as a bonus, I'm including another great song from the movie, since the whole point is about some family time this summer, whether we are spread out or together.
One day at school the math teacher asked me to take a couple of kids to my classroom to finish a project. I had the instructions, but little by little we realized we needed more of the materials. So one by one they went into the classroom to get something. The teacher was busy teaching so they didn't ask, they just got it from the counter at the back of the room. I asked them questions like "well do you think she needs it?" or "do you think this belongs to someone else?" They didn't know, but weren't worried. I was starting to get embarrassed, resulting in laughter, that we kept "pilfering" from the classroom. I turned it into a language arts lesson by looking up the word. Pilfering means to take (okay, steal) things little by little, as in going back several times for more. I guess that's what we were doing, but we got the project done, learned a new word, and were laughing all the way, so it was a fun experience.
This also reminds me of our most recent time at the beach that I blogged about. Because it was a marine reserve, we kept doing things wrong, little by little. We weren't supposed to bring food, but we did. We weren't supposed to bring toys or blankets to set up on, but we did. We weren't supposed to take anything from the beach but . . . . .Well, I'm not going to say who knew all these rules and who didn't. Let's just say it was a pilfering day. I showed Mariah the most amazing rock. It had smooth holes all the way around, like a bowling ball on one side with indentations for your fingers, but on the other end some holes went straight through. She got some great pictures of it. And then when we got home she said "ta da!" and pulled the rock out of her pocket and presented it to me, as a present. She laughed because she knew I would take it back to the beach, someday. I guess that would be reversed pilfering.
Mariah also did this crazy thing of digging a whole and then putting her camera in it, saying "capture" and getting these pictures before the sand starting caving in. Pretty cool.
