Sundays with my Dad

For the last several months Reggie, Luke, Samantha and I have had the honor of picking up my Dad to go to church with us. My Mom's illness keeps her home most of the time. Luckily she doesn't get cabin fever, but my Dad does. He has accepted the fact that they are not going out to lunch anymore; not going out shopping (although he asked Julia and Lester to take him shopping in December because he wanted to pick out Christmas presents by himself. But that is a story for another day). But he will not give up on going to church every Sunday.

We pick him up at about 8:30 Sunday mornings. He is always looking quite dapper - in his suit and tie pushing his walker in front of him. I know that he and my Mom have been up for a while by this time, because it takes longer and alot more effort for a 92 year old to be ready for church, but it is worth it to the both of them. He has finally accepted the fact that the walker is a good idea, although he would rather just use a cane. One morning, after he was settled in the car, he said with a laugh "Luke, my advice to you is never get old." We said "wait, does that mean you advise him to die young?". He laughed and said "no, but I never thought I'd live to be 92."

Once we get into the church building my Dad parks his walker outside of the chapel. We admit, it wouldn't fit in between all the people and the benches. As he walks in Brother Jex, who is handing out the programs, usually says something like "There's that no good rotten guy that got me baptized 40 years ago! I've never been able to leave since!". Then my Dad takes advantage of any time before the meeting starts to say hello to as many people as he can. This last Sunday we had sat down and then my Dad noticed someone further down the bench that he had not met. He stood back up, made his way over to introduce himself and then made it back just in time for the meeting to start. One man who is about 35 years younger than my Dad, and using a cane, is always especially happy to see him. He says "See, if brother Chandler can make it then I know I can".

When I was young I remember my older siblings making fun of my Dad for two things: falling asleep in church and his in-ability to sing. He always laughed along. But I've never seen him fall asleep during church these last few months and I have noticed his continued efforts to sing all of the hymns. He has a pocket-sized hymnbook that he will pull out of his scripture case to use when he doesn't have that particular hymn memorized. This last Sunday the closing hymn was "God Be With You Till We Meet Again". He didn't need the words. That is an especially beloved hymn to most Mormons. Not only do we sing it in regular meetings, but it is a favorite for Missionary farewells and funerals. Sitting next to my 92 year old Dad, who has lived longer than he ever thought he would, - hearing him sing those words, made me very choked up. Here are the lyrics of that hymn:

God be with you till me meet again; By his counsels guide, uphold you;
With his sheep securely fold you. God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again; When life's perils thick confound you,
Put his arms unfailing round you. God be with you till be meet again.

God be with you till we meet again; Keep love's banner floating o'er you;
Smite death's threat'ning wave before you. God be with you till we meet again.

(chorus) Till we meet, till we meet, till we meet at Jesus' feet,
Till we meet, till we meet, . . . . God be with you till we meet again


Now go ahead and tell me that you could keep your composure if you were in my place last Sunday!

So anyway, after Sacrament meeting is over my Dad greets more people, heads over to his walker and makes his way to Sunday school. My Dad's biggest fear about living so long has always been that he would lose the capabilities of his mind. Anyone who is in Sunday school with him can attest to the fact that he's still all there; his mind is as sharp as ever as he raises his hand and comments on the particular scripture we are reading. I have noticed that the various teachers have always been so respectful towards him; there are often alot of people raising their hands to make their points, but the teachers always seem to make sure that my Dad's comments are heard.

After church we head back to my parents apartment building. My Dad always thanks us for driving him. I don't think he believes us when we tell him it is our pleasure; but it is. Samantha and Luke then argue about who gets to "call" the elevator and walk Grandpa up to his apartment.

I know that it takes alot of effort for my Dad to go to church. I know that it is the highlight of his week. I don't know if he knows what a blessing it is for us and others in the congregation to have him there; but it is.

where's the plot?

The 8th animated Disney movie is "Make Mine Music". We watched it this week. It had a couple of cute stories in it, like "Peter and the Wolf", but as with the last several movies there was no one plot. It was mostly moving artwork set to music. I wonder if, when it was originally released, the public felt like we did. I wonder if they were missing the full-legnth, one story musical Disney had given them with Dumbo, Pinocchio and Snow White. Well, we know that there is alot of that coming up, so we will continue our year-long Disney animated film theme, in the order that they were originally made.

seeing some sun

We are half-way done with our President's Week off from school. It has included a lot of Wii and alot of me trying to catch up on some cleaning projects. Today we decided to take a break and get some sun - at the San Francisco Zoo.

Reggie's birthday weekend in pictures

Yesterday:




Today:





Reggie says he's gonna get Tom Porter for having the whole Sunday School class sing to him today. Other than that, it was a calm, semi-quiet, relaxing birthday weekend. Happy Birthday Reggie!

Woolworth - Greensborough, North Carolina

Reggie got home last night from a business trip to North Carolina. On the last day of the trip he got done early enough to do some sight-seeing. It meant alot to him to visit the old Woolworth store where, in 1960, four African American college students started a sit-in movement. Back then the seats at the counter were supposed to be used by "white" customers only. The boys ordered coffee, were refused service, but they sat there until closing time.

The next day more African American people showed up to do the same thing. Each day the sit-in movement became bigger and spread to more stores across the south. As this continued:

"tensions grew in Greensboro and students began a far-reaching boycott of stores that had segregated lunch counters. Sales at the boycotted stores dropped by a third, leading the stores' owners to abandon their segregation policies.[1] Black employees of Greensboro's Woolworth's store were the first to be served at the store's lunch counter, on July 25, 1960. The next day, the entire Woolworth's chain was desegregated, serving blacks and whites alike.[5]"

The Woolworth store where this originally happened is now a museum, and still houses the seats and lunch counter that started it all. Reggie brought home this historical piece of the civil rights movement in the form of t-shirts for Samantha and Luke. He was very proud to tell them the story of the Greensborough sit-in movement.

Couldn't wait till March

Love you Reggie!

The Three Caballeros

This week we watched Disney's "The Three Caballeros". We liked some of it - especially the parts about Mexico. It was fun to learn more about where Rocio comes from and we wish she was here to translate some of it for us.

Some of the parts got pretty wierd though, and as the movie said, Donald Duck became "a wolf in duck's clothing" as he was chasing all the girls.

We found it interesting that the original trailer for it, shown in 1944, advertised that it was the first movie where Walt Disney combined actual live characters with animation.

So, it was worth the watch, but now we are ready to move on to movie #8.

the amazing heart

Did you know that today, if someone needs a heart valve replaced, it can be done without surgery? It can be done with a catheterization procedure. I find that absolutely amazing.

Today we saw Samantha's cardiologist for the last time. After 43 years of faithful service he is retiring. I can't imagine how much science has changed things in that amount of time. You can hear the confidence in his voice when he tells his patients the facts - the problems they are facing and how modern procedures can fix them. We are very grateful for Doctor Tarnoff.

Hopefully Samantha will not need to take advantage of these breakthroughs. Her heart is serving her well. And we will most likely get to forget about it until her next checkup - in 2 years. We find it to be quite a coincidence that the pediatric cardiologist that is taking Dr. Tarnoff's place is the husband of our familiy's pediatrician. How's that for keeping it in the family!

Cub Scouts and Muir Woods

Saturday we spent the morning at Muir Woods. It was beautiful. Reggie led the cub scouts on a hike. We weren't the most peaceful group, but we went early enough that we didn't run into too many people.








On the way home Reggie and the 4 boys in our car had alot of fun - calling each other names, singing about girl's being made of "greasy grimey gopher guts", etc. I tried to tune it out by taking a nap. I couldn't help but ponder on how my life has changed. I used to be surrounded by American Girl dolls, hair bows, and everything feminine - with my own daughters and my nieces that I babysat everyday. Now I'm surrounded by boys boys boys. Oh well. They are pretty cute.

My favorite Whitney

Our family has had alot of fun throughout the years watching this movie and singing along with Whitney. Her music brought much joy into people's lives; so sad that her life became so troubled along the way. I have to say, one thing that I hope my children never become is famous. It seems to be more of a curse than a blessing. Rest in Peace Whitney Houston.

Featuring Evani as David and Reggie as Goliath

In first Samuel, chapter 17, we hear about the battle between David and Goliath. At first Goliath tells David "I'm gunna cut your head off and feed it to the birds, and . . . . ." you get the idea. Then David, with even more elaboration tells Goliath (and yes, these are not direct quotes) "Oh yeah? Well, I'm gunna cut YOUR head off and feed it to the . . . . . ." etc. etc. As we read all of this in seminary today it reminded me of a certain battle that our little nephew Evani had with the much bigger Reggie this summer. Evani has a lightsaber instead of a sword, (remember that David used a sword after the sling to cut Goliath's head off) and the confidence in his face must be how David looked. You will notice that at one point in the video we are trying to get Evani to put on his armor, but just like David, he didn't want to wear any armor.
(remember to pause our music at the bottom of the blog before you press play)



Priceless

Saludos Amigos!

The 6th movie in our year-long Disney marathon is Saludos Amigos. It is the first one that we haven't needed to get from the library. I bought this video in the 90s because my parents had recently returned from a church mission to Argentina. This movie explores many countries in Latin America, and I wanted the kids to know more about where Grandma & Grandpa had been. Wikepedia has some interesting information about the movie:

"In early 1941, before U.S. entry into World War II, the United States Department of State commissioned a Disney goodwill tour of South America, intended to lead to a movie to be shown in the US, Central, and South America as part of the Good Neighbor Policy. The film included live-action documentary sequences featuring footage of modern Latin American cities with skyscrapers and fashionably dressed residents. This surprised many contemporary US viewers, who associated such images only with US and European cities, and contributed to a changing impression of Latin America. Film historian Alfred Charles Richard Jr. has commented that Saludo Amigos "did more to cement a community of interest between peoples of the Americas in a few months than the State Department had in fifty years".

Interesting!

disclaimer

I guess the problem with blogging about feelings and opinions instead of life's events is that you are sure to have readers that don't like what you've written. I'm sure there must be people who have read my recent blog posts and completely disagreed with me on some of my points or feelings on parenting. I guess I'm lucky that no one has posted a comment telling me off. These have been my experiences. As I have kept up with other people's blogs throughout the years, and as I have come upon new situations in my life I have thought to myself "I can be brave like that person" or "I can make this work like she did". Their experiences, that were different than mine, gave me things to think about and consider. I hope that is how my recent posts were taken. I hope I have not offended anyone. And I promise that the next post will be about some fun and wonderful event that our family has done recently.

my last comments on Hillary's interview

There were alot of questions that Hillary asked us, for her school assignment, about our experiences as parents. I want to mention just one more. The question was something about how do outside influences/other people's opinions affect your parenting. My answer is something I've been thinking about alot.

In looking back on my years of having little ones at home, and in watching other Moms in the same circumstances today, I feel that alot of people do not have respect for "stay at home" moms. I think that there is an attitude that if a woman is educated then she is "overqualified" to take care of her children during the day; that she is wasting herself. But if a woman is taking care of other people's children - in an institutionalized setting like a day care - then she is valid because she has a "career". This attitude has always bothered me. I don't think that the point of women's rights was to make a woman feel inferior for her choices.

Now that I am employed/ outside of the home, I am so grateful for my schedule that allows me to be with my kids when they are off of school. But even under this ideal circumstance I sometimes feel that pressure, that I am letting my employers down when I have to take time off; when I am using all of my sick days, every year. I don't think that everyone understands that parents share their sick days with their kids. I don't know what I would do, or even if I would be able to keep a job at this time in my life if it weren't for grandparents. There have been several mornings where Luke has woken up with a cold - not to the point that he is miserable or needing a doctor - but to the point that he should be resting under a blanket with a box of kleenex in his arms and a good movie on t.v., and not sharing his germs at school. Grandma's house has always been the perfect place for that.

So Hillary's interview ended with me being quite choked up. It's hard to vocalize all of the memories and emotions that come with parenting. It's hard to describe why it is so worth it. That baby is a part of you from before birth until forever. All of the chaos of life melts away when your child falls asleep in your arms, or when you look at them across the room and realize how beautiful they are, or when you are watching them accomplish something challenging and you want everyone to know "she's mine". Having them grow up and leave is like losing an arm, or some other part of you. But holding them back would be denying them the chance to experience these same joys.

Some days I ask God how he could have possibly entrusted me with 5 kids. Most days I thank him for the loan/ for sharing his children with me.

Hillary's Interviews, part 2

The question: "What is the most important contribution a Mom can make to her children".

My answer(though there are so many things that could be said): Being available to your children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For example,rushing out of the house or work when you get a call saying your child is sick or in trouble; being woken in the middle of the night when your child is scared of the storm; staying awake with your teenager when they all of a sudden want to talk just as you were getting ready to go to bed; these are not things you planned on, but they happen. It's like being on-call. Of course a Mom needs a break, some time away, time to herself, etc. But when a special need arises, she drops everything to take care of her child. I don't think anything else tells a child that they are loved and important more than that.

Hillary's Interviews part 1

(I really need to clean this house; it's been neglected all week, but I just can't make myself do it. So I'm going to blog instead.)

Hillary has picked a major! I guess some people know exactly what they want to study when they start college; alot of people pick a major and then switch in the middle, and some people - like Hillary - get their generals out of the way while they are figuering out what they want to do. Hillary is taking some online courses at BYU Idaho and thinks she might want to go into a career that has to to with children and families; this could be teaching, counseling, social services, etc. I am pretty excited for her. Not only will she be studying for a career, but she will be learning very valuable information about life situations that everyone faces.

For one of her classes she had to interview Reggie and I about our views and experiences in raising children. It was kind of an emotional conversation for me; talking about my feelings, my regrets, and my advice to new parents. I want to mention a couple of the questions and answers on this blog. (I'll do it in a couple of installments so as to not set a record for the longest post ever.)

Question: "Do you have any regrets or mistakes you feel you made in your parenting?"
This was not the first question, and I could tell Hillary felt bad about asking it, but its the one I want to start with now; I don't know why.

Answer: Well, there are alot of things I regret and mistakes I made. I still have nightmares of times when I didn't keep my kids as safe as I thought I did. In my opinion, the fact that anybody lives to adulthood is proof that God lives. But I'll just mention the one particular regret I was thinking of when Hillary asked this question. When Julia and Hillary were entering their teens I was a yeller. I figured that because I didn't swear at my kids, didn't call them names, didn't spank them, that it was ridiculous for me to feel bad about yelling at them. And I really didn't like grounding them or taking priviledges away, so I yelled - very loudly. And - I really don't like admitting this one - but there were a couple of times that I threw things - not at them, but at their wall. After one of these occasions Hillary came to me and told me how much she hated that; how it made her feel scared; that I just became a different person in those moments. Maybe the best I can describe it is the moment in Monsters Inc. where the little girl is scared of Sully.

I don't want my kids to be scared of me. I want my kids to hate and avoid the punishment, but not be scared of me. So I have tried to do less yelling since that day (and no throwing) and I think it's been better. And I think it has actually meant that the kids have gotten more punishments: the swift, calm "this is what you did wrong and this is your punishment". And I think that I have mastered the "stank eye"/ the look on my face shot at my kids across the room that means "you are going to regret your behavior if you don't stop it right now".

Okay, I think I can go clean this house, now that I have "born my soul".

train ride

I wish all my kids were here right now, because then we'd have enough people to do the "Soul Train", in honor of it's creator, Don Cornelius. RIP.

Julia blogged a little while back about our family's love for the dance and our memories of the show. If I figure out how, I will put that link on here.