One More Day

I just found this entry that I wrote months ago but never posted.  Things have changed so much.  My Mom is still with us but spending her days sleeping.  I am glad I did not waste the following day: 

At 4 in the morning I woke to use the bathroom and take some headache medicine, and was shocked that my Mom had not been up or woken me up at all through the night.  This is the first time since she moved here a year ago that that has happened.  So I stood by her to see or hear if she was still breathing.  I couldn't tell.  If she was still alive I didn't want to touch her and wake her/disturb her. So I went back to bed thinking I would check in the morning.  Of course it was impossible to sleep.  I thought about what I would do with her if this was not her last day - if we had at least on more day together, whether she was awake or not.  I decided that if I have another day with her I would sit in her room with a Shirley Temple movie on and crochet a doll blanket.  She has loved Shirley Temple movies since her childhood.

(I have been working on a doll blanket for about the last month, every time I've been "lingering" in my Mom's room; times when she was being independent but still a fall risk, and needed someone near by just in case.  Or times when we were watching some shows together.  I will tell the granddaughter who gets this doll blanket why it is so special.  And hopefully there will be enough time to make several doll blankets).

After a while I finally decided to check again.  This time I could see that she had moved, and the blankets were in a different position, and I could see the rise and fall of her chest, so I know she was still alive.  I was then able to go back to sleep.  It is now morning, and I am up and she is still asleep, and I am waiting for what feels like the right time to do this with her.

This is my favorite Shirley Temple movie

Part 2 - I implemented my plan and it went great.  She sat in her chair and I sat in her bed.  She dozed off for quite a bit of the movie, but that's alright.  I think it is important to have happy sounds in the background, especially when you are not feeling well.  This is actually a concept I have struggled with; sometimes I worry that we are too loud for her, as she of course has napped throughout the day.  But when I've asked her she either says she didn't hear the noise or it was fine.  I know for a fact there are times that she was just being nice.  But I think that most of the time she has enjoyed the happy background noise of a big family.  I remember times in my life when I was separated from the family, either sick or injured, in my bed, and I asked Reggie to leave the door open.  I wanted to hear the happy sounds of the family.  I wanted to still feel like I was a part of things.  So maybe that is what it has been for her this last year.

Since our Shirley Temple day she has been doing better.  It is always changing; one day, or hour, she can be doing great, and the next day, or hour, I am worried about losing her.  Nearing the end of life is life.

"One more chance to stay and love another day."  I am trying to trust God's timing.  Who knows why we have the number of days we do.  Who knows when my Mom's time is up.  But as the song says, each day is a chance to love another day, and will be priceless to look back on when she is gone.

Part 3 - My Mom was feeling really well on the 4th of July weekend.  She sat in the living room and watched this movie with some of the grandkids.  I was so happy to see that by the climax everyone was in the room watching with anticipation.  What a great memory.

all the preparations

 Well, it took a lot of time and planning to prepare for a 4 day trip.  But the anticipation, and even work that goes with a trip can be half the fun.

Part of the planning was having my sister Marianne and her husband Sergio come to stay with our Mom.  They had not seen her since January of 2020 when she was still living on her own.  We had a texting conversation with them, Lynette, and Madeline who have been here to take care of her.  We were all honest in trying to prepare them for how much she has changed and how much help she needs, and yet cheered them on in the fact that she is still, in a lot of ways, our same wonderful Mom that they remembered.  We told them how special and sacred an experience it can be and we knew they were up to the challenge.  Well, that became an understatement!

I had a typed instruction sheet for everything I could think of that they would need to know - about her medicines, how to work the oxygen tank, how to call Hospice if they needed help, etc.  The day after we left my Mom declined a bit and needed so much more help in some ways than I had even given her.  How much things can change in 4 days.  By the time we got back Marianne was the expert and I listened to her instructions of new protocols, equipment, etc. that Hospice had prescribed.  

We got back on Saturday night and on Sunday Marianne, Sergio, me and Reggie spent the day taking care of our Mom together.  It was a real group effort.  One thing that means so much to me is that the nurses who came to the house while we were gone told Marianne how impressed they were with the notes we all had been taking, the typed up instructions, and the number of people who have taken turns caring for her for the last several months.  At one point, earlier in the summer, my Mom tearily thanked those of us who were there helping her.  I thanked her for sharing this house with all of us for all these years and told her she had made quite a large team for herself.  She laughed.