last "talking stories" - my Great Aunt Roxey Maria Stowell Romney

(more pictures to come if I can get them scanned)

When our Christmas book mentioned how wonderful it is to share family stories of courage I knew which one I wanted to share the most.  Years ago, when I read the journal writings of my Grandpa Stowell's sister Roxey I was very impressed.  I saw in her great courage, and I hope my family - especially my daughters and nieces - will take the time to read this and get to know her story too.

Like my grandpa, Roxey grew up in Mexico.  She met and fell in love with a young man named Erastus Romney (yes, we are related to the Romney's by marriage).  They moved to Utah right afterwards, and were of big help to her mother and siblings when they fled Mexico a few years later.
Her husband was an educator and his employment took them to the middle-of-nowhere Nevada in a town called Bunkerville.  She writes about the courage it took to live there:

"We lived on seedless grapes and tomatoes for the first few days.  There was no butter, no ice, no fans, and seldom fresh meat.  There were no electric lights, no paved roads or sidewalks.  It was far from what we had hoped for on that hot September day" (when they first arrived).

  She had a friend named Mrs. Kelly who was the wife of the principal that her husband was to work with.  They took turns encouraging each other:

"That first night Mrs. Kelly cried.  She stated she was not going to stay.  He (her husband) could stay if he wanted, but she would not.  Well, I was real brave until the next morning.  Then I was the crying one, and she the brave one."

Eventually she became really proud of how they contributed to developing the town.  Her husband was always getting up contests to improve the community, like one for leveling and graveling the sidewalks.

They had 2 babies while in Bunkerville, and I know some of my daughters and nieces can relate to some of the illnesses she endured related to birthing and breastfeeding.  In fact, she didn't hold back on some of it and didn't worry about "TMI";  I think I won't include what she writes about some of the old fashioned remedies she endured in that time period.  But I appreciate her honesty in the following paragraph, referring to a very bad breast infection and the months it took to recover from it:

(referring to Erastus) "But he was always cheerful and helpful - a devoted husband and father.  As he kissed me goodbye one day to go to school, he said, "You know, the one consolation about this is that it is not something you are apt to die from."  I started to cry and said, "Perhaps it would be easier if I could."  How very weak of me.  I have since learned suffering is a part of every life, and it takes courage and faith and hope to live a good life."  

After 3 years in Nevada they moved back to Utah and made their home in St. George.  Erastus moved up and up in the world of education and eventually became President of Dixie College.  They both loved their lives - family, church, community.  Roxey wrote about her love of the beautiful southwestern landscape of St. George:

"The red sand hills, so beautiful when the sun was just right; one would feel certain of a huge fire.  One has to see to believe.  When Erastus as President of the college brought Brother D.H.H. Powers to S. George, he took him around the valley and as we stood north of the sand hills and looked at the sun as it was setting those beautiful rays over, Dr. Powers, a world renowned traveler, said "Nowhere this side of Rome will you find such beauty in sand hills."



Roxey and Erastus had four children.

"When I was in the hospital with Miles (their last) twice Erastus came in early in the morning to say he could not sleep for thinking of me with four children to take care of if anything should happen to him.  He said he must take out some insurance and plan something for me.  During the holidays he did take out $5,000 insurance, and at a large party of friends, he told the crowd "Today I feel better.  I shall cease to worry so much about my wife and family if anything should happen to me."  Six weeks after the party Erastus and I were both stricken with the flu - he on Friday night, me on Sunday.  Twelve days later Erastus died of pneumonia."  

So this is the part of her journals that touched me so deeply.  I read this 15 years ago and then again last week on my break at work.  Both times I was in tears.

"Here in St. George life had been wonderful, perhaps our happiest time in our lives and the realization of some of our interests and plans and watching the children growing up.  Suddenly our protection and livelihood were gone.  There were five of us in the family to feed and clothe; how could I do it?  To me it seemed he was the one to carry on.  The children needed him.  I needed him and one so capable of doing so much good was needed in the world.  I just tried and tried to be brave.  I felt I wasn't.  Many said I was courageous, but I felt so helpless.  Only with the Lord's help could I find the way.  Then one night it seemed I had come to the end of my possibilities.  I had prayed for help and a deadline was nearing on a note I was to meet (bill to pay).  I was worn out from worry and work, and it seemed my prayers were not effective.  I remember so well, the children were to bed.  I didn't cry, even though I felt like it.  Finally, I kneeled down and prayed - as I seldom prayed.  I must have gone into a dream or something because I felt I couldn't possibly meet this.  When I suddenly came to, I could see Erastus at the head of a long stair.  I knew I could not climb it, and suddenly he beckoned to me and would not take no for an answer.  I began climbing the stairs, and step by step gathered strength, and at the top of the stairs he took me in his arms and said "I knew you could make it.  You can do anything, and you can do this."  From then on I was determined to succeed.  The world had certainly changed into a gloomy unhappy place for us.  I knew we had to make our own way without the one we had all depended on." 

Soon after this experience Roxey's friends told her the county librarian position was opening up and that she should apply.  She did and was told she had the job if she would go to a 6 week librarian training course out of town (she doesn't say where).  The training cost a lot of money that she didn't have but her friends helped raise some of it and she was given a loan for the rest, with the condition she pay it back $10 a month.  Though she was nervous and torn about leaving her children, she felt this was the right thing to do.  She took her kids to her mother in Idaho for the summer and then went off and completed the training.

"I learned the work, learned enough to get by, and held the position for 28 years."  

One of her younger sisters writes in her own journal of getting her first teaching job in St. George and  living with Roxey and the kids.  Roxey would make breakfast each morning while she (the sister) packed up the lunches.  The sister and the kids would head off to school together while Roxey and her youngest would head to the library.  They were a happy family.

I'm not sure why I gain courage from Roxey's story more than any of my other ancestors.  I did not lose my husband as a young mother and I don't anticipate that any of my daughters will either.  Like Roxey said, no matter who you are or what your trial, "suffering is a part of every life, and it takes courage and faith and hope to live a good life".  I guess that's the message I've gained from her.

Roxey ended her writings with some poems about her beloved husband.  She didn't write anything else about her life, though she lived to age 74.  None of her descendants wrote much about her life either, that I know of,  except a few details and words of love and tribute after her passing.  This is why I am flabbergasted at what her youngest wrote!:  "To me, no greater compliment could be paid my beloved mother than to say of her that she was always a Great Lady.  On first name terms with President Kennedy and President Johnson and most of the other well known politically involved people of her day, she still had the common touch."  WHAT?!  First name basis with 2 presidents?  Turns out she was the Democratic National Committeewoman for a time.  I don't know how she went from single-mom-county-librarian to a national political figure, but I'm sure it's an amazing story.

Blossoms of Blue

Mother's Day has come and gone, but the whole month of May always has me thinking of "blossoms of blue".  There is a song that the children of our church learn and sing to honor mothers.  I remember it from my childhood and it has always given me a sweet, peaceful feeling.

I often go walking in meadows of clover, and I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.
I gather the blossoms, the whole meadow over.  Dear mother all flowers remind me of you.
Oh Mother, I give you my love with each flower, to give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through.
For if I love flowers and meadows and walking, I learned how to love them dear Mother from you.

Lately I've been noticing different flowers along the paths that I've been walking.  They are beautiful.

I believe this one is called "Queen Anne's Lace"

which I've only heard of in my Avonlea shows.

 And recently Reggie brought home to me a bouquet of tulips.  I think they are my new favorite.  But I've realized that "blossoms of blue" seem to be rare, at least in this area.  So I have resorted to plastic flowers to sit in vases on the top of our piano in the month of May.  I am starting to gain an interest in all flowers, but May will always be for "blossoms of blue".

stories # 5 - It's okay to not hunt lizards

When I go walking I am often greeted by lizards along the pathway.  They do not bother me, but it reminds me of a story of my childhood, which has to do with courage.  (I think I have told my children all of my childhood stories. But since this one just came back to me I am thrilled to be able to tell them a new one!)

When I was young our church owned a Christmas tree farm in Half Moon Bay.  There would be Saturdays that the adults were to go and work - I don't know what they had to do, but my friends and I were free to run around all day.  I loved this!  I particularly remember one time that a boy and I spent the whole day trying to catch lizards.  Lizards are pretty elusive, but we were determined.  Finally, when it was almost time to go, I caught one!  My friend was thrilled!  I, however, was not as thrilled as I thought I would be.  My parents were always fine with the fact that I was a "tom boy". But, when they saw my reaction to the lizard they laughed and laughed.  I did not like touching that lizard AT ALL, let alone carry it.  But, since it mattered so much to my friend, I was brave enough to not let go of it and carry it all the way to the box we had waiting.  I did my best to carry it with the least amount of exposure to myself as possible; I held it between the very most tips of my thumb and pointer finger, squealing the whole way until I got it in the box.  

After that moment I was still a Tom Boy, but more bouts of stereotypical femininity started to show themselves in my personality.  Either way, because of my wonderful parents, I knew that I was just fine.  

So on my walks today I am not afraid of the lizards, but I know it's okay that I never plan on hunting or touching one again.

She looks happy

This semester Samantha changed her major to "Child Development".  I think it suits her.  Not only is she good with children but she is loving what she is learning. I think that not only will she walk away from these courses being able to work with children as a career, but I think she will understand and know children in whatever part of her life they touch - whether it is her ever-growing role as an Aunt, or motherhood, or associating with them at church, or in a career.  I think human relations and psychology are some of the most important things anyone can learn.  When you think about how much one's childhood affects their attitude, behavior, habits, thought processes, outlook and self worth for the rest of their lives it is staggering. 

Recently Samantha put up a picture and description of one of her assignments.  It was on "the value of play".  Playing is a child's work - especially a young child and it is fascinating how much they learn from what we think of as just toys or just free time.  

As I say, Samantha looks happy which makes me happy.  In her own words:

"One of my classes this semester is Foundations of Early Childhood. This past week, we had to pick a Developmentally Appropriate Practice that we like such as valuing relationships and make a visual representation. I chose to do my project on the value of play since I have so many memories of it. I chose to make playground equipment from my extra pens, pencils, Q-tips, tape and more. I found this to be a really interesting but fun project to do. Today was the day to turn it in and I think I did a really great job! It wasn't easy but it's like they say hard work does pay off in the end."

hiking in May - maybe part 1

It's been a few months since I went walking/hiking to a certain favorite spot of mine and wow, it sure looks different - so green and full.  In fact usually I stick to the side of the park that is full of trees, but after visiting my favorite one pictured below:

(Looks like the trees we saw on the Bayou in New Orleans)

I went to the other side of the park which has wide open fields.  I've seen deer grazing there before, but wow what a feast they must be having now!

Here is a trail I took that justifies me calling it a hike!

 Now, this Monday is Memorial Day and Luke's first official day of summer.  We don't have any big plans, and in fact my poor Reggie even has to work.  But I want to venture further away and see if I can find some new hiking places.  I explained to Luke how I don't want to do this alone and so he has agreed to come with me.  So if we find a good place I might just have to do a "hiking in May part 2" post.

talking stories #4 - the sweetest nun

Lately I've been into a show on Netflix called Father Brown.  It's a somewhat lighthearted detective show where the Catholic Priest, named Father Brown, in his loving care for his flock/congregation, solves murder mysteries.  He hears people's confessions and tries to help them become right with God, and makes sure no one is falsely convicted of any crime.

I'm realizing one reason I like it is because I do enjoy the sweet moments he has with the people and his loving care towards them.  I think I'm learning a little bit about Catholicism from it.  So today I asked Reggie to tell me some good stories from his childhood regarding Catholicism.  Reggie grew up with an interest in spirituality and went to church and Caticism.

So, he told me about a nun, coincidentally from Hawaii, that had a positive influence in his life.  He was learning the basic doctrine of the church but just wasn't understanding or connecting with some of it; he mentioned the subject of The Resurrection specifically.  He said there was one nun in particular that was very sweet and patient and took the time to explain it more fully to him and one of his friends.  She never blew him off or made him feel bad for not understanding it right away.  He said he came away from this experience with a testimony of Jesus Christ and the Resurrection and a desire to continue in a quest for spirituality.

I love this story.  I appreciate this nun's courage in dedicating her life to God and to the people she worked with.

Luke lately

Luke's hitting the books hard, as school is ending soon.  It's been a good year, and as teenagers go, he's a pretty good kid, as the pictures show.

We are very proud of him.

Taking a break from studying.

my Mother's Day

For Mother's Day I got exactly what I wanted - to sleep.  I slept and slept.  At first I was catching up, and then I was stocking up for what I knew was going to be a very busy week.  I feel bad because it is the first Mother's Day in decades that I haven't spent with my Mom.  But she more than anybody understood and we are going to have a belated Mother's Day dinner soon.  So thank you to Reggie for giving me the day I wanted.

Father/Son trip

Reggie and Luke had a great trip to Utah for Mariah's graduation.  Besides the ceremony and going out to dinner for Mongolian beef, they went to one of Mariah's favorite places:  Provo Canyon.  Yes, Reggie and Luke are throwing rocks at Andrew and Ross.  From what I understand Ross and Reggie were the ones who lost their balance in the end.  Unintentional swimming in the Provo river is becoming a family tradition.

And, after years (2 exactly) of me talking about my favorite bakery in all the world

"The Mighty Baker",

Reggie finally got to go.  This baker is our favorite reality show celebrity - 

he has won "Cake Wars" 2 years in a row, and so Reggie got a picture for me

and brought me home a t-shirt.  

Courage in A Christmas Carol - stories #3

I've been thinking about courageous characters in our favorite Christmas stories (for our Christmas in may theme).  The one that has come to mind the most is from "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens.  At my first, second and third thoughts I would never have referred to the main character, Ebenezor Scrooge as brave; I've never thought of him as someone who exhibits any kind of courage.  As we know, he was stingy, mean, grumpy and solitary.  When the ghost of his old partner, Jacob Marley, visits him he dismisses it as something not to be believed; he tells the ghost that he knows he's not real - that the reason he is seeing a ghost is because of a lack of sleep or an upset stomach.  In fact, he tells Jacob Marley "you are an old potato".  Then, when the Ghost of Christmas Past and the Ghost of Christmas Present visit him he starts to believe and respond positively - until they leave and he is back in his bed.  He again denies that he has just experience anything important and explains it all away.  But, when the third ghost appears, in my opinion, Scrooge suddenly become brave.  He suddenly exhibits very profound courage by saying: (almost a direct quote here) Am I in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to come?"  The ghost doesn't speak but nods it's head yes.  Then Scrooge says "Dear Ghost, I fear you most of all.  But since I know your purpose is to do me good, lead on spirit lead on!"

There's the courage - profound courage.  If I had that attitude every time I didn't want to do something I knew was good for me i would be the most successful, well adjusted person in the world!  For example, the next time I have to have blood drawn I can say "since I know your purpose is to do me good, lead on needle lead on".  Or the next time I don't want to exercise I might say "since I know your purpose is to do me good, lead on feet lead on".

So here's to Ebenezor Scrooge - a very courageous man indeed!

p.s.  While visiting Deseret Book last Christmas I came across this book and fell in love with it.  It tells the "story behind A Christmas Carol".  Apparently there are a lot of similarities between the story and what was going on in Dickens own life at the time.

I also wanted to get it because Luke had been reading several of Dickens books last fall and he and Reggie had a fun trip to The Dickens Fair at the Cow Palace in San Francisco.

My courageous Mom - stories #2

My Mom loves to be home.  She never gets cabin fever.  Maybe that is because she has led, what I think, is a very adventurous life!

For example, I always thought my Mom was a "stay at home" Mom, but that is just because her work schedule fit in with my school schedule so beautifully.  She spent a lot of her mothering years finding ways to supplement my father's income.  She never went to college, but got such an excellent high school education that she was able to find a variety of jobs using her office and organizational skills - like shorthand, typing, etc.  She eventually found some jobs that she could do from home.  When I was little I remember her having a job as a "den mother" for boys with paper routes.  We would drive around in the mornings to glance at the porches in our city to make sure the boys had delivered the papers.  The job also included the boys coming to the house to turn in their money, which she would keep track of and then turn into the office.  This job lasted for a few years.  Eventually, however, she gave it up after she was robbed at gun point, in our house, on one of the money collecting days.

At that point her kids were all in school and she got a job working in the school district.  After her retirement she and my Dad kept busy by volunteering in the Oakland Temple 2 days a week.  Personally, I hate driving across the Bay Bridge, but my parents did it, often during commute hours, for years.  After that they bumped up their volunteering by moving to Argentina for 18 months to work in the temple there.  What an adventure!  Not bad for someone who was initially sad and scared to pack up her life in Idaho and move to the Bay Area.

Now that she's in her 80's she still is an example of great courage.  She is her own best advocate - when she has a health issue or routine doctor's appointment come up she looks in her huge red medical book to see what the symptom's might indicate and is then prepared with all kinds of questions, and even suggestions to the doctors of what it might be and what medicines she thinks might work.

She has had a lifetime of adventure and her next goal is to write down her stories for us to have after she's gone.  She has promised to stay alive long enough to see Luke return home from his mission - so that gives her at least 5 more years.  I hope she gets her stories written because I'm sure there are a lot of interesting things that we don't already know about her long and wonderful, courageous and adventurous life.

A LOOK OF DETERMINATION - watch out Bay Area, the Chandlers are coming! (late 1950's)

Mariah, the Graduate

Last Friday Mariah graduated from Utah Valley University, receiving her bachelor's degree in Behavioral Science.  We are so proud of her!  Reggie and Luke had a father/son trip to spend the weekend with her and all our Utah kids.  From what I heard, and what the pictures show, it was wonderful.

LOVE YOU MARIAH!

I love how the baby is holding the diploma for her!

talking stories #1

My Dad's birthday recently passed which of course has me thinking about him.  I want to tell a story about him being courageous, to go along with our theme.
When I went to visit my Mom this birthday she had the "Easy Listening" music channel on the t.v. This reminded me of my Dad.  In the last few months, and especially the last week of his life,  he was able to do less and less for himself; ways that he used to pass the time weren't working for him anymore, like being able to read or follow a tv show.  But, he always had the Easy Listening music channel on.  I think it helped him endure.  He was physically at the point that he never wanted to be, and I know he was afraid, not knowing how long this would go on - but he handled it so well.  It has taken me a long time to be able to listen to that Music Channel without crying.  But now it brings me comfort as I think about my Dad.

And one more light hearted story.  My Dad was known by his family for getting into a lot of fender benders.  Never any big accidents that I remember - just a lot of little ones.  As we became rotten teenagers we used to make fun of him for it.  But, on one occasion he showed us all and we were praising his driving skills.  We were on one of our summer road trips to Idaho and Utah.  Since we did this every year my Dad liked to find different routes and side trips to keep it interesting.  At one point we were on a narrow road heading up a mountain.  It had been raining and the road was quite slick.  In fact, we hit one extremely muddy patch and started sliding off the road.  There were huge drop offs to the right of us and cars heading the opposite direction on the left of us.  I remember being terrified, and I could see the stress and fear on my Dad's face.  But he maneuvered our car brilliantly!  I'll always remember how he had his right hand on the steering wheel and his left hand out the window, holding onto the roof of the car.  For some reason that helped him.  Our car still did quite a lot of sliding and turning as we headed up the mountain but eventually the road became less slick and we were okay.  My dad was a hero that day - he definitely displayed quite a lot of courage.

Christmas in May

This month we are going to "talk stories" as my Hawaiian friends used to say.

The theme I have chosen is COURAGE.  Our Christmas book says that:

"Courage is a theme of the Christmas story.  Think of Mary's courage to be the handmaiden of the Lord, Joseph's courage to be the guardian of God's son, the shepherds' courage to worship a newborn baby, and the wise men's courage to follow a new star." 

Psalm 31:24 - Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

It's interesting that courage is often needed for the things you don't want to do, but also for the things you do want to do.  For example, the parents of the three new babies coming to our family are thrilled about them!  But, it sure is going to take a lot of courage to bring them into this world and to raise them.  Samantha and Luke are enjoying the things they are studying in school and are dreaming about their futures.  It certainly takes courage to face each assignment and test, especially if it is something they have not done before.

And so I am going to have more courage this month to face things that I don't like and keep putting off - like routine doctor's appointments, etc.

And finally, our book suggests that "sharing stories of courage that have been passed down in your family make priceless gifts".  So I hope to find more stories from both sides of our family and post some here - for us and anyone else that might find them interesting.  And maybe I'll throw in some of our favorite Christmas stories too.

HAPPY GRADUATION ROSS!

What a great accomplishment!